Overheard in a Soho pub …
EDDIE: Seen the new Bond film?
GUS: “Skyfall?” Yes.
EDDIE: And?
GUS: I thought it was a most enjoyable cinematic experience. It retains the reboot grittiness characteristic of the Daniel Craig era, while, at the same time, restoring many of the humorous and romantic sensibilities that have been missing from the franchise in recent years.
EDDIE: What did you do, buddy, swallow a dictionary? What you mean is: it’s got Q, a bunch of funny one-liners, and a funky villain.
GUS: I suppose you could put it that way. I fear the plot does stray somewhat into silliness, however.
EDDIE: Killer title sequence. That VFX place in London did it. You know, SpecSavers.
GUS: What?
EDDIE: Not SpecSavers. Framestore. They did a heap of other effects too. So did Cinesite. And MPC.
GUS: Why are you so obsessed with visual effects? It isn’t as if there were very many of them in “Skyfall.”
EDDIE: Hah! You think? Like they’d really put Daniel Craig on top of a train!
GUS: It certainly looked as if that’s exactly what they did.
EDDIE: Well. Yeah. Okay. They did. Rigged him up with safety wires. Someone in the rotoscope department has to paint them out, you know. Poor bastard. Then they have to put the background back in. Maybe a totally different background.
GUS: Don’t be ridiculous. They can’t possibly do that.
EDDIE: That viaduct? When he falls in the water? The water’s not really there. See, the compositors took the live-action plates and …
GUS: Can we talk about something more interesting? For example, the way Thomas Newman’s music carries his own distinctive style, while at the same time evoking the classic Bond scores of the late great John Barry?
EDDIE: Yadda yadda. New meets old. I get it. What did you reckon to the Kimono dragons?
GUS: It think you mean Komodo. Kimonos are Japanese dresses.
EDDIE: The lizards weren’t wearing dresses.
GUS: Oh, dear lord …
EDDIE: So what did you think of them?
GUS: I judged that the Komodo dragons were a novel and effective threat in an otherwise standard ‘snake pit’ scenario. No doubt the scene was intended as an homage to the crocodile sequence in “Live and Let Die”.
EDDIE: CG. Maya. Cinesite.
GUS: I do wish you’d speak English.
EDDIE: The lizards were animated.
GUS: Oh … Oh, well, I suppose everything is these days.
EDDIE: You think? They did a lot of the effects in “Skyfall” with miniatures.
GUS: Can you stop talking now?
EDDIE: Enhanced with animation, of course.
GUS: Please stop.
EDDIE: Like the helicopter crash. Model chopper. CG blades. That was MPC.
GUS: Why can’t you just watch films like a normal person?
EDDIE: You think you’re normal?
GUS: I’m more normal than you.
EDDIE: Not likely. Fancy another pint?
GUS (sighs): I don’t mind if I do.
EDDIE: So, what movie are we watching next?
GUS: I don’t care. Just as long as it doesn’t have any visual effects in it.
EDDIE: A movie with no visual effects?
GUS: Yes.
EDDIE: You know, buddy, in this day and age, that’s gonna be a lot harder than you think. But don’t worry if you don’t spot all the camera tricks. You’ve got me to point them out.
GUS (puts head in hands): Give me strength.
(with apologies to Framestore, Cinesite and MPC)
Graham Edwards 