Overheard in a Soho pub …
EDDIE: So, what about the Avengers movie?
GUS: I must confess that superheroes aren’t my favourite genre. However, I did think that director Joss Whedon managed to weave a compelling drama, robustly supported by imaginative set-piece action sequences …
EDDIE: Why do you talk like that? Nobody talks like that.
GUS: … while deftly choreographing an impressive ensemble cast and delivering a rousing finale.
EDDIE: Whatever. Let’s talk about the visual effects.
GUS: Please, let’s not.
EDDIE: But they’re, like, totally awesome. That big outfit in California did them … what are they called? Industrial Light Beer.
GUS: Are you absolutely certain that’s the name?
EDDIE: Dunno. Maybe it’s Root Beer. Anyway, I heard they created a complete 3D computer model of New York City just by going out and taking photographs on the streets.
GUS: Has someone spiked your drink?
EDDIE: It’s true. These schmucks went out with cameras for like weeks and weeks and weeks, shooting every square inch of the city. Like Google Street View, only really killer. They brought all the photos back and, you know, did stuff.
GUS: What ‘stuff’? How can you turn a series of photographs, which contain only two-dimensional data, into a three-dimensional representation of a metropolitan space?
EDDIE: Dunno. Maybe they printed out the photos and glued them together. You could do that. Like building a house from playing cards. You’d need a big roll of sticky tape. Maybe a warehouse.
GUS: Have you ever considered seeking professional help?
EDDIE: Like I say, I’m fuzzy on the detail. They used Lidar to scan things.
GUS: What’s ‘Lidar’?
EDDIE: Like radar, only instead of using radio waves it uses … uh … something else. Probably liquid. Maybe that’s what the ‘L’ stands for. They have this thing like a fire hose and they spray the special liquid on all the buildings and measure how it splashes off and then they can work out what shape the building is and make a model of it in the computer. They’d need a special program to get rid of all the bubbles.
GUS: You have no idea what you’re talking about, do you?
EDDIE: Not really, no. Another pint?
GUS: I’ll continue to drink with you only if you promise to stop obsessing about visual effects. Spectacular they may be, but I submit they have value only in as much as they support the story the filmmakers have chosen to tell.
EDDIE: All right, I’ll stop. Same again?
GUS: Yes, please.
EDDIE: (pauses) Those Industrial Light Beer guys totally nailed the Hulk, right?
GUS: (head in hands) Why me?
(with apologies to Industrial Light & Magic)
Graham Edwards 